the cold makes me tipsy. its a strange thing. while im physically weighed down by sweaters, by heart feels light. its not grey and monotonous. its about yellow lights, morning fogs, squirming inside the warm blanket and cold feet, christmas and strangely -memories. As Adam Levine very insightfully said, ‘drinks bring back memories’ My cool aid
Its so long. So long since ive got stuck into this exam cycle and not found a way out. never have i ever toasted the things i grew out of for good since i failed to get out it. but why is that so? why should only success and failure define us? unlike computers, im not bound by 0 and 1. I can have a .5. not there yet but not at the start line too. on my way to a different place. a place i’ll make better for myself and for atleast some people around me.
i want to tell you today that everything that you gave up for this exam counts. Despite the outcome. Its not everything you are and not everything you’ll be. These are such simple things. Such simple sentences. We could find them even in mass produced archies cards. But the affirmation is lost on almost all of us, well, until we hit rock bottom. This rock bottom is really the ground on which we build ourselves. Its our foundation stone. So, for the optimistic days, its important to reach the ground to break it (So cliche! But whatever gets you through the day. Somedays its wisdom and somedays its the cliche.)
i talked to a girl, who was sold into a marriage for 50 thousand when she was as old as me. sexually abused for 6 months before she found someone to listen and help her. And today, two years after it, she told me all this in a single breath without shreading a single tear. How do people find such strength? Such mountain of courage to carry on?
I am shattered everytime a friend of mine makes that face when I say im preparing for upsc. that obvious belief that im wasting my time and that’s the last thing anyone should do. Why are dreams compared? Someones’ big and some else’s small? ive learned to brush it aside. and now i have the strength to brush it every single time anyone says that for any dream of mine. my dreams are not small to me and no other opinion matters. if i can change one life or just make it better for my own family, i will be a happier person. that’s my dream. upsc is good work. there is no other way to describe it. it works for the ‘smallest’ person. the one no one listens to. wounds that sometimes get buried so deep that the scars are generational now. that’s why i want to be in the ias.
see, i said. novemeber-december are my drunk on hope months. all thats written’s so dreamy. well, thats how dreams are. impossible for someone else to believe. and so true for you that you bet your whole life on it. Dont give up. Ever. Fight for your dreams. Every second, everyday.
Now some Maroon 5 lyrics for you:
“heres the ones to that we got, cheers to the wish you were here but you’re not
toast to the one who are here today, toast to the ones we lost on the way
everybody hurts sometimes, everybody hurt someday
everything will be alright.”